Jet Set* Radio artwork spotted in the window of a contemporary sushi restaurant by one of our many "Adam" readers. We hope he's not planning on going in. We'd hate to think we have readers fashionable enough to have a favourite kind of sushi.




"I was walking by my local shopping mall when I saw this poster for a new sushi place that should be opening soon. Please see if you can use this as evidence that people still love Jet Set Radio to convince SEGA to make a proper new game in the series for Xbox 360. Thanks!" - Adam.




We don't know enough about Ken Taya to know if he has a licence to resell SEGA artwork or not, so we hope he doesn't get sued for $1,000,000 over this disclosure. Not that it would impact on our daily lives in any way if he did. So, on reflection, we don't actually care if he ends up in jail with the nonces for 25 years. Sorry, Ken, but it's true. You're NOTHING to us.




We should've saved some of the words from that last caption to go in here. There's nothing left so say.

*Never say Grind.

Here are the least sad bits of what we've been doing elsewhere in the sphere of online content generation.

This thing about a hilarious internet "meme" that got taken way too seriously and people just ended up embarrassing themselves by being too "into it."

This thing about possibly getting new kinds of shoes for a pretend man to wear in a non-existent place :(

This thing about how external HDs are only ever used by men to hide their 'Sunday Best' porn on/in.

This thing about Microsoft going slightly INSANE and making claims it can't really live up to.

This thing about US console sales, which includes YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO? OH YES, SHIT OLD SONY! in very last place as usual.

This thing about the 'Yellow Toy Collection' Princess, as she will no doubt soon be forced to rename herself when Nintendo's people hear of it.

This thing about mucky little well-polished-turd Avril Lavigne holding it up for Canon, because you can't not use pictures like this when they come along:

It's embarrassing to report that this week veered into fun territory. 7/10.

You remember, blue skies in games. It was the good thing we did once. Listen to it and read about it here. It's surprisingly awesome.




There is no accompanying imagery or press materials.

This photograph has literally everything. NASA scientists will still be analysing all this data a decade from now.




"Here are some lovely pajama bottoms adorned with the fabulous DC swirly!" - Brendan.




We have replied to Brendan asking if those legs are the legs of a man or woman. Hopefully they are not the legs of a child, as that would mean we committed two separate crimes last night.

Sony's ridiculous GO!VIEW money-costing, TV-downloading service, which we'd be AMAZED if more than 20 people have heard of and signed up for, is luring teenage gamers to the service by... letting them download content from The History Channel.

So if you're an urban youth who likes to watch documentaries about cathedrals between Need For Speed sessions, this is for you.



Although, to be fair, documentaries about cathedrals are more exciting than the PSP software catalogue.

CROSS-PROMOTIONAL INSANITY

GO!VIEW and The History Channel to give PSP(tm) users a piece of the past

From ancient civilisations to the world's greatest air battles, GO!VIEW now brings PSP(tm) users some of the most interesting stories in history with programming from The History Channel. With hours of content available including popular series such as Ax Men, Rome: Rise and Fall of an Empire and Dogfights, as well as a range of one hour documentaries, PSP(tm) owners can now take a little bit of history with them wherever they go.

Content from The History Channel is offered as part of the Entertainment subscription pack, available on GO!VIEW for just £5 per month. Continuing GO!VIEW's commitment to provide great content for its customers, this latest partnership allows PSP(tm) owners to transfer highlights from The History Channel to watch on-the-go and on-demand. What's more, PSP(tm) users can currently trial GO!VIEW free for thirty days.

Richard Melman, Acting Managing Director of The History Channel says; "We are absolutely delighted to expand and capitalise on the success of The History Channel via this exciting new platform. Now I've got an even better excuse to buy a PSP(tm)!"

In addition to the Entertainment Pack, PSP(tm) users can also subscribe to the Sports and Comedy Packs available on GO!VIEW by monthly subscription, whilst selected 'Movies to Rent' and 'Latest TV to Rent' can be transferred via the rental service. Subscription packs are priced at £5 (€7) for 1 pack, £8 (€11) for 2 packs and £10 (€14) for all three packs. Rental TV is available from £1.50 (€2.00) per episode and a range of movies is available from £2.50 (€3.20) each.

www.goview.tv
Go!VIEW is a joint venture between Sony Computer Entertainment Europe and BSkyB who have established the joint venture 'GO!VIEW Entertainment UK'. This is being used to bring the PSP video-on-demand to market in the UK, Northern Ireland, Republic of Ireland, Channel Islands & the Isle of Man. Sky is providing their expertise in building successful video-on-demand platforms as well as content acquisition. Sony Computer Entertainment is providing the marketing for the service.

We're sure that 19th on the UK chart at the end of Week Two is exactly what Sony had in mind for LittleBigPlanet. It's all falling into place.




No, apart. It's all falling apart. Let's try one of those hilarious zooming-in jokes...




STAGE 1: A bit closer.




STAGE 2: Closer still.




STAGE 3: VERY CLOSE and therefore hilarious.

There must be some mistake here. Sonic The Hedgehog is for men in their 30s, not children. Children might get it dirty and not treat Sonic with the respect he deserves. And they might start liking Shadow because he's got a gun.




"Perched in the Reactor Mini, young gamers will embark on a high-speed adventure where movements, fighting and speed deliver a full-body sensory experience – all in the comfort of a chair that is sized perfectly to fit," said Jamie Duran, president of Ultimate Game Chair. "Drawing on SEGA's legacy of the best game play and most engaging storylines, we have built a chair that will unleash a child's inner hedgehog and redefine video game fun."

Three cheers for "girl gamer" clans who shoot themselves in the foot by making the prettiest one with the most expensive hair their leader. Subconscious move, or a purposeful admission of their role as PAWNS in the game?




If men were behind this there'd be a terrible ruction.

We must take issue with LUBEFREIGHT LTD's assertion that it's the leader in lubricant distribution. LUBEFREIGHT has clearly never looked through our curtains on a Friday evening.

If you are reading this, LUBEFREIGHT, please consider manufacturing some t-shirts. One that just says "LUBEFREIGHT" on it would be fine. We can recommend a good printer and would be prepared to go halves on costs, as we're pretty sure LUBEFREIGHT could become a huge brand on the gay clubbing scene AND the Dreamcast-logo-alike scene, making us t-shirt millionaires.




"Saw one of their tankers on the M62 this morning. Their logo resembles the dreamcast logo, hence the email" - Andy.

Here's a globe-trotting piece of medium-resolution photojournalism from a reader UNAFRAID of going to places he hasn't already been. Just getting there would have involved at least three separate go outsides, plus face-to-face small talk with over three individuals. Unprecedented bravery.




"During my recent jaunt to Shanghai I came across an arcade quite literally packed to the rafters with Sonic-y goodness."




"I realise there is no sense of scale in this picture, but that Sonic is getting on for about 30ft tall. Is this the biggest Sonic you have been sent? Do I win a prize?"




"I apologise for some of the blurryness but I was taking them quickly to avoid having to answer awkward questions from my other half."




"AND IT GETS BETTER! Dreamcast 2 is obviously very close to release and the viral marketing has started at this Hello Kitty sweet shop."




"And last and most definitely least, a girl called Jade doodling a Dreamcast logo on a McDonalds bag. But that was from the UK so is less exotic and exciting" - Martin B.




It's amazing what sights you can see when your life isn't based entirely around going to Sainsbury's or occasionally ASDA.




It's taller than a person! Amazing scenes.

Our brave friends across the Atlantic are continuing to STICK IT TO and RIGHT INTO Sony, with PS3 sales DOWN 18% during October. Despite the launch of some shit user-generating, administrator-deleting content game about being a teddy bear and having your hard work removed that was all the rage for about 36 hours. Here's a list.

US HARDWARE SALES FOR OCTOBER, 2008

Wii: 803,000
DS: 491,000
360: 371,000
PSP: 193,000
PS3: 190,000
PS2: 136,000

ANALYSIS:
Selling fewer consoles when you've got your most important game of the year out AND it's nearly Christmas is a 10/10 on the SEGA Saturn UK Launch Disaster Scale.

SOFTWARE SALES EQUALLY SHAMBOLIC

1. 790k - Fable 2 (360)
2. 487k - Wii Fit (Wii)
3. 375k - Fallout 3 (360)
4. 290k - Mario Kart (Wii)
5. 282k - Wii Play (Wii)
6. 270k - Saints Row 2 (360)
7. 231k - SOCOM (PS3)
8. 215k - LittleBigPlanet (PS3)
9. 202k - NBA 2K9 (360)
10. 193k - Dead Space (360)

The 'We Died And This Is What Heaven Is Like' theory gains strength.

There's no need to go trying to think of a funny comment. Just let it scroll away.

This thing about a MILF with a heart of gold.

This thing about Lucy Pinder and some lies to do with Xbox 360, which got linked to by Kotaku, boosting unique reader numbers into the high teens.

This thing about that Tomb Raider internet thing.

This thing about a radio that comes in "moss."

This thing about game sales around the world in which we forgot to point out that Sony is only three letters away from COCK.

This thing about a defibrillator with a face, because we didn't do anything about attractive ladies holding items this week:

Sorry about that.

Whoever bought the outfit for the model needs to be sacked. You won't get anywhere on the internet with a photo of a woman in sensible trousers.




You can't even see the outline of her pants or bra. This will sink without trace. Thousands wasted.




It comes with a strap. You could always just buy the strap. If you're the sort of person inclined toward exercising, you ought to be able to motivate yourself to do it without a fucking avatar yelling positive enforcement messages at you from a TV.




Also for "bachelors" who live in loft apartments.




It'd be cheaper and more satisfying to beat your fists into the sofa cushions to disperse latent rage. WARNING: Don't do that if you're an asthmatic or suffer from a dust allergy. Raging against sofas can kill.




The students in the downstairs bedsit won't be happy.




Needs some knee on display. We'd even settle for a glimpse of toned ankle. Very poor effort. Severely lacking in exploitation. 4/10.